Home Truths

Picture the rare scene at 8.30 last Sunday morning:

- whole family lazing smugly around in cosy White Company bathrobes.
- sun filtering through windows for the first time in months.
- kids being pleasant to each other.
- Mr & Mrs G being pleasant to each other.
- croissants gently crisping in oven.
- warm smell of coffee filling kitchen.
- virgin Sunday Times waiting to be lazily perused.
- dog snoring contentedly on bed
- phone call to say football canceled.
- only one job on the list: to change water filter under the sink...

8.45:

- water gushing out of filter in all directions.
- said water filling kitchen at alarming rate and creeping quickly towards new Designers Guild rug.
- Mr G. desperately trying to stem flow and screeching for buckets.
- Mrs G frantically turning stop-cock under sink to no avail (White Company bathrobe and blow dry now soaking wet).
- Lily standing in the middle of kitchen, sobbing loudly.
- dog running round in demented circles
- Sam hopping about in a Rumplestiltskin panic.
- smell of burning croissants.
- drenched Sunday Times.

8.50

- Mrs G tearing down driveway in sopping, flapping bathrobe and wellington boots while flashing lady garden to BT man up a telegraph pole as she leaps over giant muddy puddles.
- Mrs G desperately scrabbling around in dirt to find water meter lid.
- Mrs G realising that BT van is parked over water meter.
- Mrs G yelling at BT Man to please move his van and get out his screwdriver to help open lid.
- Mrs G inserting entire arm into meter hole full of muddy water to find valve and turn off water.
- Mrs G tearing back up drive to see if water had stopped, dragging BT man with her, as if Knight in Shining Armour.

8.55
- Mr G and Sam (having found a role) still bucket filling and emptying while Lily stands in 1 inch of water, sobbing loudly.
- Mr G shrieking at Lily to empty the towel cupboard to soak up water.
- Mrs G frantically looking up Thames Water emergency number while BT man mumbles something about stop cocks.

9.00
- BT man reaches under kitchen sink to turn stop cock. The other way. Water stops.

9.01
- awkward conversation about how strange it was that it didn't work the first time?
- BT man leaves looking very confused - did he just imagine that?

9.05

Mr & Mrs G laugh like drains for rest of the day.