IT'S THAT TIME....
I was having a lovely lie in with Sam on Saturday while reading The Times, which I love, but rarely finish until the following Saturday. I spotted him intently reading the back of the paper I was holding, and I got that warm glow we get when we realise that they do sometimes spontaneously seek to improve their minds all by themselves. After his eyes had left the page, I turned it over to read, ready to have a stimulating discussion about said topical subject:
'I have been faking orgasms for two years - shall I tell my partner?'
Okaaaaaay. Some of you may be aware that in the Times Weekend section, there is a sexual problem page. I was well aware of this, but clearly, in my smugness at having brought up a spontaneously mind-improving 10 yr old, had momentarily forgotten. It crossed my mind that this might be a good opportunity to have 'the chat'. I have been in a slight tizz about this ever since I got wind of a rumour that one of his school friends regularly tunes into the Adult Channel on Sky (yes - really. Apparently just women in sexy underwear rolling around on a bed, but still).
I had already talked about it with Mr. G and he said he was relaxed if I wanted to do it (the chat, not the sexy underwear - don't be ridiculous). Although slightly disconcerting, I welcomed this task as a parenting challenge which could only strengthen our mother & son bond. I now glanced at Sam. He was staring straight up at the ceiling in what I swear looked like slight shock. Then I panicked. I hadn't even planned on getting onto the subject of orgasms at all! I had in fact already sent off for a selection of 'let's talk sex'/'what's happening to me?' type books, but when they arrived I was so horrified at the graphic detail that I hurriedly ordered a 'how are babies made?' type book instead, which I hadn't yet received. Crikey - how could I have the chat without providing the literature for Sam to stare at, thereby freeing him from making eye contact? You see, I really had thought of everything. So I chickened, and put a swift end to our lie-in muttering something about getting Lils to ballet. What a wuss.
The topic remained on my mind all weekend; how I was going to tackle it, phrase my answers to awkward questions etc. However, while we were all lolling on the sofas watching X-Factor on Sunday night, Mr G casually mentioned that he and Sam had had a little discussion about making babies yesterday, and how 'you're all cool with it aren't you Sam?'. I couldn't believe my ears - not only had Mr G unceremoniously trumped me, but then neglected to even bloody mention it! Sam had clearly gone straight to his Dad. Well, I wasn't going to miss out. 'I have a book coming in the post for you Sam - and you can ask me anything you like - anything - you know, give you a woman's perspective and all th...', 'K Mum- whatever' he says, eyes simultaneously rolling while never leaving those of Cheryl Cole....
Have you gone through this parenting rite of passage? How was it for you?
My older daughter is 10 too but girls are so different - she is always one step ahead of me and comes up with all the questions - makes it easy for me to find answers! I cannot imagine myself explaining it all to a tween boy - in fact I would be more than happy for my husband to handle it man to man...
ReplyDeleteYes I was kind of pleased that he took the initiative actually. Sam was pretty embarrassed when I gave him the book yesterday. He took it upstairs to read, and I think he was grateful that I was so relaxed about it all. There is a lot of stuff Mr G didn't cover, in particular the emotional stuff, so I need to make sure he follows up!
ReplyDeleteThis really had me laughing! Not got to that point yet, but coming soon I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteApparently girls are much easier - I've already mentioned most of it casually to Lily, and they're not so mortified by the whole thing. I think mums these days are so much closer to their girls. I found a booklet in my underwear drawer when I was 11 and that was all! I was so mortified when I began my periods I had to get my best friend to tell my mum. Then she produced these enormous pants with poppers for the equally HUGE pads. But that's another post...
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I remember my mother coming into the bathroom after me when i was about 12, sitting on the edge of the bath and asking 'so, do you, you know, know all about it then', i said yes and she left! That was it!
ReplyDeleteOh Lordy - their mums must have been even worse! Jackie Magazine was my bible - I lived for it (always read while dissecting a Mars Bar with my teeth if I remember rightly...)
ReplyDeleteLove that post. Not sure how old I was but my father gave me a book to read, then asked if I had any questions. I hasn't read it but pretended I had, so I flicked to a random page to ask a question. It was a page about hormones and I could see the relief on Dad's face - no tricky questions, excellent!
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